There's a big problem that keeps some people away from coaching and at the same time drives other people to coaching. The problem is this: MOST single men and women lack truly honest feedback from the kind of people they want to be with -- people who are attractive, fun, healthy, and secure -- so they don’t know what to focus on in order to improve the way they're dating. Without this awareness, they don't know they would benefit from coaching. They might have a general idea that something is off, something's not working, but they're not sure "Is it me??? Or is the state of dating just hopelessly irredeemable?" So, they come to coaching to figure out what to do with the feedback of "He didn't ask me out again" or "I can't tell if she's interested."
Coaching provides feedback that's often unavailable from the people you've gone on dates with in the past. It answers the question of what to focus on in order to improve. When I say I’ll take the guesswork out of dating, this is part of what I'm referring to. I've helped clients like you feel more confident, empowered, skilled, and self-aware in their dating and relationship efforts by providing honest feedback -- the kind of feedback you need to elevate how you’re showing up and who you're attracting.
Only feedback will give you the awareness and skills to attract kind, high-caliber people. And this is one reason why dating and relationship coaching is woven in to every matchmaking program.
So, here are a few tips to make the most of coaching and maximize the feedback:
1. Approach with curiosity and openness. Come into both dating and coaching with an intention to learn, grow, and experience something new. Don't start coaching with the intention to try to change other people or prove yourself right and prove them wrong. Soften your ego and ask, "What's here for me?" from every encounter.
2. Avoid judgment. This includes both judging yourself and judging others. Judgment is the enemy of #1 above. If you're in a state of judgment, it's almost impossible to hold curiosity and openness.
3. Enlist a friend. Your coach will give you tons of guidance and support... AND it's often helpful to have a friend to get you out and about as well -- someone who will be cheering you on and serving as your 'wing-person' when you're being social. This person, assuming they've known you a while, can also help you 'gut check' your instincts.
Life is always giving us feedback if we're looking for it. Coaching helps you know what to make of it -- how to apply it. And, since occasionally the feedback won't feel amazing, you may feel some challenging feelings. So...
✔️ Recognize that many of our circumstances are a mirror of what we’re feeling or believing inside. Keep noticing the circumstances; keep looking for the reflection. I'm going to sound like a broken record: Stay curious. Ask yourself, "What is this circumstance showing me about a belief I hold?"
✔️ When the feedback stings, remember: Being sad is OK. Being angry is OK. Being afraid is OK. All the feelings are OK. It's interesting how often I explicitly remind people of this. There's a myth that showing emotion is not accepted and allowed. Permit the emotion to come up and just sit with experiencing it and noticing the thought that goes with it. (Your coach will help you with this.) Denying or exiling the emotion is only going to slow your progress -- and make subsequent feedback tougher to integrate.
Don't let a lack of feedback (or confusion about what to do with it) steal your future from you. 👉 Fill outmy client applicationto get started on a personal dating & relationship coaching program customized just for you.
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