Josh and Lisa locked eyes at an exclusive New York City nightclub. Josh was a dapper looking Wall Street professional and Lisa was an attractive, ambitious young gal wearing a killer red dress. After a few minutes of locking eyes, Josh approached Lisa with gracious compliments. Lisa typically would not pursue anything with men she met at clubs, but Josh seemed to be the exception. He was well educated, well-traveled and they both shared similar backgrounds. Lisa immediately picked up on Josh’s high net worth status. A couple of drinks and an hour of dancing went by when Josh suggested that he and Lisa go back to his chic West Village apartment. Lisa was smitten by Josh and couldn’t say no. A three minute cab ride filled with intense making out later, Lisa found herself staring at Josh’s W-2 on the counter of his apartment. (Not Cool Josh!) Before she could say anything Josh picked Lisa up and pinned her…
To read more about Josh, Lisa and others who can benefit from High Net Worth Dating Program continue reading below:
I wanted to follow up on last weekend’s newsletter topic of Seeking Arrangement—the online dating site that pairs people interested in a sugar relationship. Whether your reaction to that is “Ick!” or “Yay!” read on, I’ve got something to say . . .
The news story was a good conversation kicker-offer and I’m all for getting people to think about and talk about sticky topics. It’s common knowledge that financial conflict is one of the top 3 disagreements couples have and an often-cited reasons they break up. That’s one of the reasons The Gold Standard: High Net Worth dating coaching has been valuable for certain clients. Money is about so much more than money. And for many of us, it’s always felt taboo to talk about it.
It’s also been fun to have the Seeking Arrangement story providing fodder for water cooler chit chat for another reason: Anyone who knows me knows what a geek I am for social-science and neuroscience research. (Nerd alert! I get excited about the latest breakthroughs and discoveries in the field of psychology the way some of you probably get excited about the latest issue of Sports Illustrated or the newest Tory Burch collection!)
So, frankly, my point of view on the subject of high net worth dating is deeply informed by my 20+ years of nosing around in the social science scholarship. We know from biological anthropologists and evolutionary psychologists that the females of most species select the mate that has the capacity to be the best protector-provider in order to ensure the “survival” of her offspring. Many things have changed over the last few thousand years and survival isn’t a day-to-day “will I or won’t I?” question for the humans reading this, but some of that neurological wiring is still intact. We talk about that in HNW dating coaching.
To be sure, I was motivated to develop the High Net Worth Dating program not by either of the above, but by the heartache I’d witnessed as a result of people not getting clear about about the meanings of money, love, and other treasures. Here are some examples (all real, though I wish some were fiction) . . .
Remember Josh and Lisa – the couple we left pinned against the wall in our opening story? Their story continues with Josh whispering dirty things into her ear. The scene was growing intense. Lisa enjoys the attention of high net worth older men, and is open to a relationship, but is irritated and hurt that each one seems to want to skip romance and courtship and rush straight to sex. Working with a HNW dating coach would help her select high-integrity men and help her pace a slower, more respectful path to sexual intimacy.
On the other hand, Josh needs to buy some folders and a filing cabinet (with a lock), Josh needs to use some of that 6-figure paycheck to invest in HNW dating coaching!
In case you’re thinking Josh and Lisa’s story is some aberration or something that only happens in big cities… it’s not. There’s Alex and Denise, a Wichita couple who dated for years without the subject of a prenup coming up. They knew they wanted to share a life together, but weren’t in a rush to make it official. When Alex inherited a sizable estate, it was time to talk about a contract that would protect both of them… but he was scared to bring it up. He didn’t want to offend her and he was worried she would question his love and commitment. They could have benefitted from a HNW dating coach.
There’s Sandi, whose husband Brian was just starting out as an entrepreneur when they married. Sandi finished her degree, kept the house, did the entertaining, and took care of their daughter while Brian ran his company and became a millionaire. When the marriage was in trouble, Brian threatened Sandi: if she tried to get an attorney, he would hide or freeze all the assets. He bullied her into using his attorney only and she was given only a few pieces of marital property and a small cash settlement. She didn’t know that financial intimidation and manipulation constitutes financial abuse and when she returned to the dating world, she avoided men who were financially successful; she didn’t want to be treated that way again. She chose, for a while, casual encounters with unambitious men who played fast and loose with her heart. HNW dating coaching could have helped her.
There’s Jan, who fell into paying for most of the dating activities with her new beau Carl since she had more money. He was earning a degree while working part-time. The imbalance could have caused resentment — unless they shared the Love Language of “Acts of Service”(see Gary Chapman’s work if you’re not familiar with this reference. That’s a resource I use often in HNW date coaching!) Soon, Carl was mowing her lawn, clearing her tree branches, weeding her flower beds, and hauling away her trash. Jan was thrilled with his work ethic and the next time she picked up the check at dinner, she was glad to have such a helpful companion.
And finally, there’s the Christian Grey Effect (and I’m having a major “ick” moment at even referencing that here…). This is a new phenomenon where men are tryin to capitalize on the popularity of the book and movie. Some are men of means, some are posing, but they’re trying to seduce women with their breathtaking lifestyle and shiny-on-the-outside, broken-on-the-inside act. They imagine that all those millions of women who got all hot and bothered over the fictional Christian Grey would be thrilled and delighted to be on a date and suddenly be bossed around and blind-folded! (My two cents: Old-fashioned courtship practices are, generally speaking, much more effective than pulling an AmEx and a whip out at dinner, fellas. At least as a starting place.) These men who are wearing their affluence on their sleeve and play-acting at domination would benefit from some HNW dating coaching.
Every one of these individuals is likely acting or reacting out of a place of fear and pain. That’s where dating coaching enters the picture. Coaching is about empowerment, fostering communication, and making thoughtful choices that are about what you WANT and who you want to be in this world. Who cares if you’re a high net worth person if you’re a low integrity person?
“The Gold Standard: High Net Worth Dating” program is probably the most heart-centered, values-driven coaching program you’ll experience with me. Online sites and apps that cater to aspirational dating are probably here to stay. Yet we’re all deeper than the depth of our pocketbook.
I’m not scared of money. And I’m not scared of love. If you have ideas or questions about the HNW dating program and whether it’s right for you, let me hear from you. suzanna@thedatemaven.com.