Your friends tell you you’re fabulous, smart, and funny. So why aren't you getting the second or third date?
You’re ambitious by day and affectionate at night. So why aren't the people you're meeting seeing this in you??
You know you’re capable of commitment. So why aren't you in a relationship yet???
If you feel anxious before, during, or after the meet, then unfortunately you’re not bringing your “best self" to it. Following these tips will help you be certain you’re making a great impression on a first date and set you up for more!
This is about how to dress for the date, because first impressions are formed fast! Women, wear something that’s pretty and feminine yet comfortable (with a dash of sexy, of course!) Avoid anything too vampy or high-maintenance looking. The goal is attractive yet trustworthy. Men, consider that the styles, colors, and textures you choose can say a lot about how you regard yourself and can subliminally invite women to feel more comfortable and relaxed with you as well as attracted to you. (This is why we include an image & style session for all of our male clients!)
Obviously, this requires balance. You don’t want to be so relaxed that you seem dull or disinterested but at the same time, you don’t want to ooze anxiety or over-the-top enthusiasm on your date. Being calm means you’re emotionally and physically present and grounded. You’re comfortable with yourself, so you’re comfortable for other people to be around. Having this quality also helps you keep your center when you're busy multi-dating!
Something that often confuses and frustrates guys is when a woman is trying so hard to be kind and polite that she doesn’t communicate clearly. If you have something to say, say it as clearly as you can. That doesn’t mean to summon your masculine energy and be brutally blunt, but don't muddy the message either. Generally speaking, men usually prefer straightforward messages.
This starts with you -- and extends to other people. Do you tend to criticize yourself for your perceived shortcomings? Do you have an inner voice that cuts you down or doubts your decisions? Our capacity for compassion toward others tends to reflect our capacity for compassion toward ourselves, so put yourself first in your compassion practice. In practical terms, dating with compassion means showing up with a listening and accepting spirit and not with a "what can this person do for me?" attitude.
Are you able to receive good things from other people? Maybe its affection, compliments, acts of service or support, or words of appreciation ... can you take them in and feel worthy of having them? If you answered yes, then you're showing your date that you’re secure in who you are. For women, this demonstrates that you’re the kind of woman who’s worth being his priority, not just an option.
Be able to Connect
Being keen to connect is something that can be felt energetically by others. You could have a connection to joy in life, to people and causes, or to a higher purpose. Whatever you're connected and connecting to, this creates massive appeal. And when you’re prepped to connect to your date (like, you've thought about conversation topics and questions before the date) you can ask deeper, funnier, more novel questions that intrigue your date and make you memorable!
Being courageous could look like driving to a new place to meet a new person. It could also look like venturing into the conversational or psychological depths you haven't been to yet and discovering what’s there. Vulnerability takes courage and when shown in moderation (on a first date) is incredibly magnetizing. When bravery is blended with the above elements, you create a safe space for your date to share in. Since most people are playing it too safe in the dating space, you’ll truly stand out as the exception!
You don't have to be artistic to be creative. Your profile on a dating app, the way you banter back-and-forth via text message, the date you plan, the food you make -- even your approach to life! – these can all show that you're creative. Maybe you send a funny meme or an inspiring song, you flirt and tease him or her a bit through a DM, or you plan an activity that’s a bit outside-the-box. This is how you show creative originality, which will up-level your appeal!
Bring a spirit of non-judgmental curiosity to every first meet. This will get your date to open up, feel safe, and share their experiences and feelings with you. Over time, you’ll learn to understand people better. And, unless your date is incredibly nervous or incredibly self-centered, this will naturally nudge them to be more curious about you.
There you have it. When you lead with the 9 C’s, dating becomes infinitely more enjoyable. Your feminine radiance and vibrancy or your masculine presence can show up. As a result, you’ll intuitively know how and when to be vulnerable, when to be funny, when to be sexy, and so on.
Keep these important attributes in mind for a first (or early-stage) date and subsequent dates will be yours for the taking!