I long to remind singles of this every time I encounter someone who refuses to modify (even a little) or soften a self-defeating behavior. The favorite pair of orthopedic-looking shoes… The “guys suck” bad attitude… The stuck-in-1985 hairstyle… The avoidance of eye contact… The client claims to long for love, to crave companionship, but they simply won’t give up a behavior or belief that’s so entrenched they often aren’t even conscious of it or the effect it has on how they’re perceived and received. This stubbornness (or, in some cases, inattentiveness) often belies the real truth: the status quo is comfortable. I’d rather do it my way than do what it really takes to achieve what I SAY I want.
Each of us has the capacity to be in a relationship we can contribute to. We have the choice to add or detract value from our relationships. Are you ready to take the best of what’s inside of you and inject it into a relationship when you find someone wonderful? If your answer is “Yes” don’t let a habit or a belief that isn’t serving you and your dating objectives stand in the way.
Here’s another way to think of it: Emotions and attitudes are contagious. Is your date “in danger” of catching warmth, connectedness, power, enthusiasm? Make sure they have the chance to be “infected” by it! This won’t happen if they’re put off by some minor roadblock (the comfy-but-ugly shoes, the outdated hair, the shifty eye contact) that can easily be mitigated or eliminated.
This isn’t a beat-up-on-the-client blog. It’s a holding-your-feet-to-the-fire blog. That elbow you feel in your ribcage is my loving but insistent nudge. Because I know things can be better for you. I know things can go your way. But you’re going to have to reconcile yourself to a little change. To talk about the what’s and the how’s, find me at firstname.lastname@example.org.