With Michael Rivera, Co-Author
Sure, everyone has personal preferences. But the vast majority of men who date women want to meet a woman who exhibits these 4 traits (in no particular order).
1. Have a sense of humor -- but a gracious kind of humor, especially at first as you’re getting to know each other. That way, when HIS attempts at humor fall short (and yes, he gets credit for trying!) you can be graceful. This lets him know he’s safe to try again.
You see, guys crave a shared sense of humor but sometimes they take a shot and fail, so the “right” type of response is one that isn’t judgy or bitchy or makes him feel bad if he tried and the joke didn’t land. Humor + kindness and forgiveness is the formula we’re going for (assuming the joke wasn’t straight-up misogynistic or chauvinistic or racist or something horrible...) Provide him the emotional safety to try to be fun and amusing.
2. Challenge yourself to have deeper discussions. It's easy to fall into the habit of having basic, predictable conversations -- especially in your online dialogue and on first meets. An active dater who goes on lots of first dates could probably just about script how it's going to go! But go beyond what do you do for work, how many kids -- the obvious stuff. This sounds simple, but most of the people we coach are struggling to know how and when to ask follow-up questions; sometimes they're so concerned with what they're going to say and with how to keep the conversation from petering out, that they aren't being a very present and attentive listener either. Good conversations strike a right balance between giving and receiving. Good conversations should have layers.
3. Look good. Dress for the date. Men and women alike usually appreciate it when their date puts forth some effort. This means you are dressing for the male eye and keeping male preferences in mind; you are not dressing to impress your female friends. You may be inclined to wear something because your girl friend complimented you on it, but reconsider that. Select something that you’ve received a compliment on from a man instead. (If you come up empty handed on this – that is a message worth paying attention to!) If you're having a hard time picking an outfit for a first date or you're not sure how men view a certain item in your wardrobe, I help with that.
4. You probably already know you should smile, but don’t just give any smile; create a smile that includes your eyes -- a smile that says “I’m brimming with positive energy!” Vibrant, effervescent energy is about presence; it’s about how you show up and let your light shine. When someone has vibrance, their joie de vivre radiates in all they say and do. Quite simply, it’s irresistibly attractive!
This is a starting point and these are all readily and immediately doable; you just have to remind yourself and commit to applying these pointers. If you need some help with the execution, let's talk about date coaching... I know what works when it comes to making dating more fun and efficient and I have proven processes that get my clients ahead in the dating game! suzanna@thedatemaven.com