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Energetics for Daters

You can clock the hours at the gym or the bar, give it a coat of your shiniest lip gloss, read The Rules, and give it your all. You can create the smartest, slickest personal image that can be crafted. You can be the best gal for the job and the best woman for the man. And after that — after you show up fully, homework done (check!), lessons learned (check!), A-game played (check!), then karma is going to kick in. Call it Femme Fate, Goddess-Mama, Angel Spirit Guides, Divine Destiny, Dumb Luck, Ephemeral Energy . . . Whatever you name it, it is or they are The Personal Habits and Beliefs That Engineer Your Reality. Whatever label you assign to it, it is the force operating beyond the material plane that’s impervious to MBA’s, JD degrees, Six Sigma designations, and other worldly success formulas.

Danielle LaPorte gave several prime examples of this in her recent blog: “Take Harry Potter. There have been magical children’s series created before the wizard boy wonder came along, just as good but uncelebrated. Or take Fifty Shades of Grey — hardly the first erotica to get women hot and bothered. What about the year Esperanza Spalding, an unknown jazz bassist player beat out Justin Beiber for the Best New Artist Emmy? All cases of underdogs who soar; launched from the formula of right place, right time; seemingly out of the blue.”

Then there are the less awesome, disheartening dynamics of can never seem to meet the right one . . . what bad timing . . . he’s so talented/attractive/appealing but it goes to waste . . .

For every big hit that we see, whether it’s a book, an Oscar winner, our co-worker’s promotion, the runaway fashion trend of the season, or the perfectly matched couple who marches off into the horizon presumably on the fast, confetti-strewn track to matrimonial bliss, there are hundreds of other products, creations, and unions just as meritorious and glorious.

When I look at the New York Times best-seller list or when I look at a rich, life-long union between two people who still act like newlyweds, I don’t just see luck (because “luck” is preparation-meets-opportunity, right?) I look at the golden couple or the author the fates have smiled upon and think, They’ve got some damn good karma. And I’m happy for them.

As LaPorte reminds us: We bring an energetic blueprint into this life. It can trump our sweat-pouring diligence as well as our against-all-odds circumstances. It influences our reality.

The good news is that we can choose to erase some old dating patterns and structures in ourselves, we can re-jig our dating karma, and smash down a few limiting belief systems. The first step is to realize that hard work at being a more effective dater is only half the equation of success — if that. The rest is energetics.

If this sounds good to you, but you’d like some help with the logistics, speak to me at

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