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How These Myths About Matchmaking Might Be Hurting You

If trying to meet men or women feels like a second job, hiring a matchmaker is a sound choice because a matchmaker undertakes the task for you. This frees up your time, you avoid awkward situations, and you remain comfortably ensconced in your real work and daily routines. But for various reasons, misunderstandings abound about what matchmakers do and how we do it. Now, there’s no reason to treat someone whose life mission is to help people experience more love like a pariah! (lol) If you believe these myths about matchmaking, you're probably limiting your options and opportunities for finding love and connection. Here are 5 common myths about matchmaking -- and the real truth! Myth #1. You shouldn’t need to use a matchmaker. Some people are unskilled at romance, some are capable but just super busy.

Whatever reasons for retaining a matchmaker, you should never feel bad and think “I shouldn’t have to resort to using a professional!”

The fact is, many sophisticated and educated individuals use matchmakers. A professional matchmaker is trained to sort through the chaff and find you the kernel of golden wheat that you desire! As an added bonus, no matter what becomes of the connections you make with the people you meet through us, the benefits of having your matchmaker coach you on your dating game never expire. The lessons learned during your matchmaking experience will stay with you and benefit you in all of your relationships going forward.

Myth #2. It can be crazy expensive. The truth is that fees vary dramatically -- depending sometimes on geographic location, sometimes on the matchmaker's brand and the audience she serves, and sometimes on demand or on the difficulty of the match. Top matchmakers in large metropolitan areas do typically have higher fees. One serious matchmaking firm in New York city commands $50,000-$500,000 for a 1 year agreement and another quality matchmaker charges $15,000 for 6 months — plus a $5,000 success fee if you enter a relationship that lasts more than 6 months. Our “midwest-based” fees begin at $5,500, and we know we’re worth the investment for several reasons: 1. We only take on people we’re confident we can be successful with.

2. We work hard for our clients, and spend a great deal of time finding and vetting prospective introductions.

3. We introduce you to multiple compatible matches in a relatively condensed period of time and there is no "upper limit" to the number of introductions you can receive. We set a minimum standard for ourselves of providing at least one eligible date per month -- but we always strive to exceed your expectations!

4. We have spent the time and resources developing a large network in the region and across the country (and even the world), expanding your dating pool and enhancing your options.

5. We know we’re providing a higher value experience to our clients compared to the matchmakers who do not also perform date coaching or relationship coaching functions. That leads to . . .

Myth #3. You don’t learn anything from matchmaking; there's no growth. 'l'll be honest, this can be true if you're using a dating agency. They have a completely different business model and are not in the business of helping you put your best face forward or becoming "self-actualized."

When you team up with us as your matchmakers, yes, you’ll be going on qualified first meets each month, with people we personally vet. But our goal isn’t just to find someone “nice” or "OK" or "acceptable" but to find someone you want to be friends with first and could see yourself becoming romantic with and perhaps even marrying. Along the way, we teach you how to better navigate and enjoy social interactions, gender communication differences, and flirting. We also help you refine your personal image and stay focused on your personal values and lifestyle preferences. We go the extra mile and give you added value by teaching you how to navigate online dating, build an intimate connection and even how and when to have “the relationship talk.”

With every date, you learn something — not just about the other person but about yourself and about the art and science of courtship. You are not only a more savvy dater than you were prior to your introductions, but a more relationship-ready partner. Myth #4. We have limited options. (Or, we only work off a database.) Some people are spreading the rumor that matchmakers will only ever set you up with someone within our own immediate network. This couldn’t be farther from the truth. We are essentially executive recruiters with big hearts and a big rolodex. We source individuals for our matchmaking clients at cafes, in bars, in churches, book clubs, sports clubs, professional development groups, on social media, at concerts, through friends, at charity events, and more. We have access to thousands of single men and women, from sea to shining sea! There is no cap on our dating pool. If we don't already know someone who fits the description for your someone wonderful, we'll beat the bushes until we find them!

Myth #5. Your matches will be undesirable. We get it, you’re worried you won’t get good matches! You're worried that the person you meet won't be attractive enough, intelligent enough, kind enough, etc. However, it’s safe to assume that most people enrolling in matchmaking services (and even date coaching services) are professional, career-oriented individuals. We also don't think it's in OUR best interest (or yours!) to introduce you to someone who makes us look bad. So, we carefully screen both men and women for you to ensure that they are in it for the right reasons and hold enough promise of compatibility that we can confidently make the introduction. Questionnaires, multiple interviews, deep-dive questions and personality inventories — all are tools at our disposal. Our job isn’t just to put a warm body in front of you; our job is to put the right somebody in front of you. We weed out anyone with major red flags so that you can have security and peace of mind and all you have to worry about is what to wear on the date!

Myth #6. Matchmakers don’t really care. (They don't care if you're happy, they don't care if you're satisfied.) This one is just sad to imagine — that there are people who might have this perception. The truth is: We love to see people meet and marry; we love to have a hand in helping people enrich their lives. That’s what incentivizes us to work tirelessly for you! Our “year end bonus” is the hugs and the thanks we get from satisfied clients who are living their best lives. It may sound cheesy, but it’s not like we get a kickback for every baby born or every anniversary our couples make. There’s intrinsic joy and satisfaction in helping others find love. We get the satisfaction of knowing we played a role in their love story!

If you’re going to make the self-investment of retaining a matchmaker, there are some things you can do to ensure you’re picking a good one. 1. Do your research.

Google both the name of the business and the name of the owner or president. This will give you a sense of their reputation and will tell you if the business is in good standing. While it's nearly impossible for any business to maintain a spotless record (and not all people can be pleased all of the time), you at least can find out if there are common, repeated themes to the complaints and whether there are any legal actions pending. If you Google The Date Maven, you’ll find no legal cases against or negative reviews of our company. . 2. Ask about the matchmaking process.

A reputable, ethical matchmaker will be ready to explain it to you! While you probably don't want to know every detail of how the matchmaker does her job, the process should seem clear and efficient to you. We want you to have an accurate a picture of what your matchmaking experience will be like, so we invite you to schedule an initial consultation, Dating Audit & Strategy Session, with us. If, at the end of the session, we extend a matchmaking opportunity to you and you choose to retain us, your consultation fee will be deducted from your enrollment in a matchmaking program.

3. Maintain reasonable expectations.

Know that "love at first sight" is like a mythical unicorn and that connection is something that can be created and cultivated with time, the right mindset, and the right habits. As we get older, chemistry isn’t always immediate. Heart palpitations aren't always predictable. So remind yourself that a good search takes time and right action and that you don't want to skimp, cut corners, on your search for someone wonderful. You also want to give your matchmaker a fair chance by knowing what you absolutely positively must have and agreeing to be flexible on the rest!

And don't forget: If you are expecting to be dazzled, you must BE someone who dazzles! Know that some of your dates won’t work out, but that’s OK, because you’re not looking for a harem, you’re looking for the ONE!

4. Consider (and reconsider) your dealbreakers. As I said above, it's important that you give your matchmaker a chance to succeed by not being too rigid. Naturally, we will respect and prioritize your values. We'll keep your preferences in mind. But we might ask you to be open and trust us, knowing that we have made some successful pairings in the past that ended up surprising the people involved -- because the person who turned out to be perfect wasn't what was sketched out on paper! During our first meeting, we’ll sit down and ask you about your “Must Have’s” and “Non-negotiables.” You’ll describe your ideal mate and we’ll help you distinguish between wants and needs so that your list gives meaningful guidance, but doesn’t result in someone being tossed out who’s worthy of consideration.

5. Be Patient You’re an adult, so you know not to expect a fairytale first date. But it’s important to also understand that the matchmaking process gets refined with each passing month, as we learn more and more about your personality, your preferences, and how you show up in the world. As we stated earlier, you’ll be building dating skills you didn’t even know some people had. Having those skills will enable you to date as many men or women you meet outside of your matchmaker as you’d like.

Let a professional matchmaking team (one that’s also a date coaching team) guide you through the dating scene.

There's nothing contrived about using a matchmaker to gain the key to dating; it’s one of the oldest, most respected professions in many countries. You don’t have to give up the reigns to your dating life when you hire a matchmaker; it’s a partnership, not an outsourcing. While we’re busy beating the bushes for someone worthy of your company, we’ll also teach you how to use dating apps, we’ll give just-in-time text coaching, we’ll help you interpret and apply modern dating rules (and know which ones to break and when!) We’ll even teach you how to rebound after a bad date — plus we’ll provide feedback after every date. When you team up with us, you’ll have “Mars/Venus” power coaching — a dual, male/female coaching perspective with advice from experienced professionals. We’ll always be glad to teach you how to catch fish on your own. But we also know where some super-stocked ponds are at that you aren’t likely aware of. Or you just may not know which bait to use!

We're proud to share that we have a higher than average success rate.

While we can’t promise exact outcomes for everyone, we’ve ushered most of our singles into a meaningful relationship in as little as 3 months time.

How do you take a step forward to learn more about how this works and if it’s right for you?

Book a 1-hour Dating Audit & Strategy Session today to learn how together, we can change your relationship status. During our session, we’ll discuss your dating and relationship history, talk about your blind spots, create a massive action plan, and see if our concierge-style matchmaking service is a fit for you!

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