[Also published at 360Wichita.com] Everyone wants love. No one wants rejection. This is fact. It is basic to human nature.
Ben Franklin said, “If you would be loved, love and be lovable.” That sounds cute. Seems sensible.
But have you ever put yourself out there, served up a big ‘ol whoppin' serving of, “Here I am, I’m awesome, come and play with me!” and were met with, “No thanks. I’ll pass.” Or, um, crickets?
I have. Ouchey mama!
What do you do with that kind of rejection?
You keep loving yourself, that’s what. And you find a tribe, like I did. I found the Hive, a co-working space in downtown Wichita run by “queen bee” Andrea Stang. You’ve never met a more enthusiastic supporter of female entrepreneurs!
I’ve been welcomed by high-vibe solopreneurs and small business owners there, and have been made to feel like one of the girl gang. The good news is, while the vibe is progressively feminine, like-minded men are welcome too.
Finding my squad was the first step. The next was creating my own recovery process. I had learned in coaching circles to make a glory board, set intentions, repeat mantras, indulge in "me time" and luxuriate! This is frilly-dilly, fancy-schmancy talk for: do anything that feeds the true you – whether it’s emotional, intellectual, physical, or spiritual. In other words, Love yourself! You DO deserve it.
Spoil yourself. It may sound a little whirlie-girlie, but the truth is that men need to practice self-care, self-compassion, and self-love too. (Like, more than you know.)
The third step was outreach. Like, get out of the bubble bath, drain the last drop of gin-n-juice, dry off, get dressed, and get outta the house! In other words, getting out of my own navel-gazing and heart-tending. This part needed to be more action-y. More give, less get. Show affection to someone. Give gratitude or pay a compliment. Wish someone well. Cheer them up. Give them a high five, fist-bump, atta-boy or atta-girl, pat on the back, etc. Lifting others up inherently lifts you up. And THAT, my darlings, is attractive. MEGA attractive!
If you walked away from your last date or your last swipe thinking about all the ways the OTHER PERSON didn't show up, about all the ways they disappointed you or didn't deserve you, you need to read that again. Because you're not being / attracting what you say you want.
When you show love to others you show love to yourself. When you show love to yourself, you fill your tank so you have fuel to show love to others.
Takeaway: Keep expressing love. Keep giving and getting. Continue to act on the love you generate and the love you feel.
Reciprocity is the core energy of love. For me (and for a lot of other female entrepreneurial types and creative types I know), it’s about finding the tribe who doesn’t just value you for your financial contribution or social connection or need your false flattery, but rather who want you to be (allow you and encourage you to be!) your gloriously complex, convoluted, vulnerable self.
Ready to generate some love in your life? You can reach me at suzanna@thedatemaven.com.