And what's important to couples in a relationship?
I'll keep it short and simple...
Women are looking for all the attributes they've always been looking for, but there are a few newer ones that men may not realize are important to the women they're trying to attract. They are:
Growth. An ability and a willingness to grow as an individual and within a relationship. My female clients have learned to value themselves and invest in themselves. They've undertaken the task of personal growth and they are seeking for growth-minded men as well.
Being Active. The women I work with desire a partner who is physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually active. This can look and feel different ways for different people, so I ask them to clearly explain what they mean in each of these areas. The take-away for single men is that these are qualities women are paying attention to -- online (on the apps) and on a first phone call or first date.
Emotional Availability. This rather relates to the one above. Again, emotional availability can show up in different ways, but gone is the generation of women that doesn't expect this. While a wonderful woman who has done the inner work can create the emotional space for vulnerability in a relationship, her heart's deepest desire is to find a man who will step into that space with her and slowly, gradually open up to her.
Men have needs as well, naturally. Toward the top of the list we find:
Acceptance. A man wants to be accepted and allowed to be who he is; we all want to be loved as we are, right? The sting of a woman's rejection (and this can happen even within the context of a relationship) is hard. Knowing you're accepted (even with faults, flaws, and shortcomings -- which EVERY human being has) is such a gift for a man.
Respect. Respect is a man's love language. As women, one of the ways we can show respect is by being mindful of our tone of voice. This does NOT mean you don't get to express yourself; there are healthy, constructive ways to do that. What it means is we're aware that no one likes to be spoken to like a naughty child or naughty dog and we keep the 'shame tone' out of our voices.
It's interesting that laughing at a man's jokes and funny stories can convey both acceptance and respect. I'm always ready and willing to laugh, so this one is easy for me!
For both men and women, a happy, healthy relationship is worth doing some self-reflection for and worth putting some effort into. Many of us didn’t grow up learning about or observing useful relationship skills, and we have the divorce rate to show it (eek). So, read some books, listen to some podcasts, work with a coach, or go to a workshop or seminar. If you want a relationship you can coast and be lazy in, get a pet! 😹😹😹 (Big love for our furry friends!)
Ready to work on this? My team and I can help. Reach out and say hello here.
P.S. Here's a bonus challenge for you: Write down 50 reasons you will make a great partner. You won’t be a great partner for everyone, but you’ll be a great partner for NO ONE, if you don’t know what your own assets are, the gifts you bring to a relationship. And if you don’t know it, you can’t share it or show it! There's something unique and special in all of us... know what that is for YOU and authentically share that with the people you meet!