Updated: Jul 2
If you’re an entrepreneur, you’re probably familiar with the name Darren Hardy.
If you’re not, he’s a business author/speaker/expert and former publisher of Success magazine. In his book The Entrepreneurial Rollercoaster, he tells a story about a guy he calls “First Date Fred” and cautions sales people not to be a First Date Fred. His story directly applies to singles and dating!
Fred went on a date. He talked about himself the entire time and didn’t ask a single question about the woman he was on a date with.
Can you guess why Fred never managed to land a second date?
In sales, this looks and sounds like the salesperson who is trying to “find a need and fill it” with their own agenda or sales goal. The salesman or saleswoman doesn’t ask any probative or fact-finding question; they just keep yammering on, trying to close a sale. We’ve all been on the uncomfortable end of that conversation.
A better approach is to identify the needs and wants of the person across from you (whether that’s your coffee date or your prospective client/customer) and help fulfill it.
Asking better questions will make a world of difference in your dating experience. Once you’ve been on enough first dates and asked enough questions, you can start to anticipate what it is that men or women want and you can start to get ahead of the game.
We teach our clients a tactic called “Push-Pull.” In the context of a sales situation, the salesperson needs to investigate what the buyer really wants rather than just present what the salesperson wants to sell. It’s a “probe, don’t pitch” approach. In the context of a date (or just talking to someone online), you ask plenty of questions and make no assumptions. This means talking (or texting) less and listening more. Before you press send, re-read what you’re written: if it’s full of statements (I like this, I prefer that, I’m all about X, Y, and Z) rewrite them into questions and then send.
When you discover what’s important to the lady or the gentleman on the other end, you can show yourself to be the solution to the relationship problems they’ve been having and build a connection with them. We teach our clients exactly how to do this in our 3-week Power Openings jumpstart program and our 12-week Online Dating Assistant program.
Just by asking questions for curiosity, you will be more liked and likable. If the person next to you at the bar or the breakfast counter is someone you want to pursue, worry less about how they may or may not be perfect for you and focus all your efforts and attention on their top needs or desires.
Once you’ve started to do that, build a bridge – a relationship bridge.
In today’s world any single one of us is no more than 2 or 3 degree away from just about anyone on the planet. This is a great thing for us as matchmakers – we can use our extensive network and resources to source wonderful introductions for our clients! If you’re conducting your own search, then your job is to identify the 2-3 dots that connect you to the person you’re wooing and walk confidently across the bridge.
If you need a little help crossing that bridge, there's no shame in that! We'd love to hear from you, so introduce yourself: firstname.lastname@example.org