Shame. It’s been a hot topic in the self-help universe since Brene Brown’s book Daring Greatly came out. I’ve wanted to talk about it for a long time. But I wasn’t ready yet. I had my own shame to process:
Shame over projects started but not finished (at least not very quickly).
Shame about squishy, jiggly, middle-of-the-body parts. Shame about relationships that didn’t turn out the way I thought they would.
Shame about other people's feelings I disregarded or trampled on. Shame about all the countless times I dropped the ball or stuck my head in the sand as a mother.
I get the shame game. I even got pretty immersed in it for a while. And my prayer is that it doesn’t keep anyone else from being who they are and taking steps to getting what they want for even one minute. Especially if the thing you want is love and connection and romance and relationship.
I can’t count how many people I meet who’s first reaction to what I do is “Wow, I need you!” And then, a beat later, they say, “Well, actually, I hate dating, dating here is awful, I’d rather stay at home with my pugs.” And then, a few minutes later, they say, “Um, do you have a card?”
Shame is what has kept most of those people quiet. In the shadows. Going about their lives pretending like it’s fine that the dating scene is horrible and acting like there’s nothing they can do about it.
I find this part peculiar.
If you neck or back hurt, would you feel shame about going to the chiropractor or getting a massage? If your allergies were keeping you from breathing, would you feel shame about taking medicine or getting an allergy shot? If your car was dirty, would you feel shame about going to the car wash? If your pantry was empty, would you feel shame about going to the grocery store?
If something’s not working, if it’s too hard, if it hurts, if it isn’t joyful, fun, authentic and flowing – how ‘bout trading the shame for some solutions? Some healing? Some hope?
Just a thought.
I'd like to hear your thoughts. What does this blog post bring up for you? Your comments are always kept confidential. firstname.lastname@example.org
*Special Note: I have space for 3 more date coaching clients and matchmaking clients in my Elite Premium programs. Why not make this the year we dissolve shame, embrace opportunity, and launch your love life into realms you haven’t dared to imagine yet?*