The thought crosses almost every person’s mind who has been single for a long time: Will I ever “find the one?” or will I be “forever alone?” The answer is all based on your attitude.
Believing that you are doomed to be alone is a negative belief and negativity is love repellent, instantly killing chemistry’s chances of making a match. Meeting people, interacting, and dating are all dependent on the inner energy -- the attitude and aura -- we put out into the world.
For instance, when we first meet someone in person, a first impressions is made in the first seven seconds. That means that the attitude and demeanor that we present will be what people believe we are, at least until there is deeper interaction (which is dependent on the first impression). If we meet someone and we have the “I’m forever unlovable/unlikable/alone” attitude, then we are setting ourselves up for failure. We become a self-fulfilling prophesy.
It’s no secret, a large percentage of the population is jaded about love but it’s also no secret that we can make the conscious decision to change our attitude and present more positivity, even though it’s hard.(P.S. It’s not only the very young or very disenfranchised that throw out this phrase and say they always have been -- and probably always will be -- alone.)
Many of our attitudes stem from whether we feel optimistic or pessimistic towards the challenges and opportunities we face in life including our love life. Not sure what kind of vibe you might be projecting? Here are some questions to help gauge your optimism vs. pessimism level:
Does it take you long to shake off a bad date?
Do you try not to set your hopes too high for a date so you won’t be disappointed?
Can you be comfortable on a blind date with nearly all kinds of people?
Do you think it’s hard to get ahead in the dating game?
Do you expect to achieve your dating and marriage goals?
Do you try to make light of bad dates or dating problems when possible?
Do you go out of your way to compliment or flatter your dates?
Before a date, are you usually confident that it will go well?
Do you believe that honesty is always the best policy on a date?
When you make a relationship decision on your own, is it usually a bad one?
Are your biggest dating challenges with yourself?
There are two ends to this spectrum of positivity and negativity and then there's the fun place in the middle. Someone who is a true pessimist will likely approach dates with anxiety, bitterness, and an overall cynical vibe. They'll be looking for baggage and red flags.
If the person on the other end of the date is a pessimist as well, this can turn into a big pity party and exchanging stories of past pain. (Yuck! NOT attractive!) Your goal should be to reveal past pain over time from a place of loving vulnerability. If the person the other end of the date with a pessimist isn’t a pessimist, they’ll run for the hills quickly once they catch onto the negative projection.
The optimist has a better shot but still has pitfalls. Super-optimists can come across as too enthusiastic, ungrounded, goody-two-shoes, or unrealistic. If the person on the other end of the date is an optimist as well, the date could end up being and ideological love-fest but it may lack the depth and realism needed for a relationship to succeed. If the person on the other end of the date of the optimist isn’t an optimist, they’ll likely be annoyed and run for the hills with headphones on to drown out the excited calling of the optimist.
Obviously there are exceptions to the rules, and we shouldn’t change who we are at our core to cater to people’s wishes. However, we are talking about how you show up in the world here and eliminating the “I'm always alone” phrase from your vocabulary would take you far in ensuring your "wish" doesn't come true.
The middle of the spectrum (the point between extreme optimism and extreme pessimism) is where you should park if you're going to be open to opportunity. Your expectations are realistic yet hopeful. By remaining open there's energy for potential to bloom. Optimism is tempered slightly so you don’t open yourself up for disappointment. In the middle space we can approach dating with a positive attitude and attract like-minded potential partners.
Bottom line: You’re only “forever alone” if you decide to be.